I'm moving out of the city and to a nice, quiet area about an hour outside the city (give and take, depending on traffic/train conditions). I've shared the news with all my close friends, and they've all expressed excitement/support except for one friend. I'm stumped on how to handle it.
I acknowledge I cannot control his/anybody's reactions, but I'm a bit hurt/stumped on how to handle it.
I'm moving away from the city because I honestly am tired of city life. I'm immunocompromised, so can't really enjoy nightlife anymore, am tired of the dirt and crowdedness and just, well, the city. I want a fresh start. I realized my mental health has been suffering, and while I have a great new therapist (finallyyyyy), I want to live somewhere nicer and peaceful. I'll be about an hour away from the city and thereby friends, which might be a hard transition, but one I'm willing to try. I also want to get a car—I'm tired of depending on public transportation and not being in control of my own schedule. It was a very difficult decision to make, because I live right next to the Metro currently, and am pretty central, but I've lived here in the city (various places) for almost 20 years, and it's just time.
I'm willing to accept that I might be wrong down the road—the grass isn't always greener on the side, but I've told myself (and all my friends) that if that does happen, nothing will prevent me from moving back, or at least closer, to the city. Point is, I want to try this and see how it goes, especially while I'm in relatively (so far, knock on wood!) good health.
I've shared this with my close friends, and they have all been supportive and enthusiastic and agreed with me that it'd mean a bit more pre-planning, but it honestly isn't that big of a deal, as I'm already a planner anyway. However, one friend in particular wasn't that happy, as far as I could tell. When I broke the news with him and our group, he was initially supportive, congratulating me, but later when it was just us, he kept saying how he felt I would change my mind and want to come back, remarking that would mean he might not be able to visit me because of how far away it is, and showing some concern in general. I had to reassure him that things wouldn't change, that I'd still have time, that it'd just require pre-planning and a bit more time for me to get there, but that's something I was prepared for. He seemed a bit mollified, but later made a few remarks such as "you're moving soon, wow" (with an emphatic shake of his head) and just didn't seem to understand how important this move is to me and how, yes, some change might be inevitable. He has always insisted that DC is right/ideal for me, but the truth is, I feel I have outgrown the city and it's time.
What I want now is support and happiness. I have no problem with differing perspectives or opinions—but this friend just doesn't seem happy for me. I acknowledge I can't control him/his reaction, but is there something I can say to help him understand how important this is to me—and to cut down on the remarks/facial expressions that show disapproval? I don't want his attitude dampening my excitement, and tbh, I'm already super nervous about moving somewhere an hour-ish away without a car (but plan to get one soon anyway) and far away from many of my friends, but this is what I want. I don't want this friend to lose motivation to see me/spend time with me because I'd be further away, and kind of rub it in my face and say something like, "well you moved so far away that I figured you didn't have time to join us" or something like that (passive aggression). I'm just not sure how to handle this situation, and if this friend wasn't a close friend of mine, I'd probably just slow fade because that isn't very appealing, but because he's a close friend, I want to try and address this first.
Of course, he's allowed to be disappointed/hurt/whatever—he's perfectly entitled to his feelings, just like we all are, but I just don't want to feel this way (uncomfortable/worried). I want to feel excited and have my friends happy/excited for me (while expressing valid concerns/questions then accepting my responses and not making any snarky remarks). |
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